There is something vital we must understand about the people we have relationships with: much of our pain in life is caused by the people we choose. A lot of people can relate to these feelings!

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To get to the bottom of the conundrum so you can stop mentally spinning , relationship experts weigh in on how to handle the notion of being currently happy and satisfied in your partnership, but not overcome with future-tense confidence. Do you each have effective ways of coping with stress, frustration, and loss? What about self care? Do you work well as a team? Can you talk things over?

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It can be a normal, healthy skepticism to try and balance out your romantic, attachment feelings for your ificant other.


The very question " Am I with the right person? It'd be so nice to have a definitive answer and know, without a shadow of a doubt, that your partner is "The One. It's likely you'll experience moments of ambivalence, boredom — and even doubt.

Relationship experts say these are the 9 s the person you're dating is right for you — and some are surprisingly simple

This way you can have a healthy and happy relationship. So, wondering how to know if you're with the right person? Here are 20 s you are, even if you've been questioning your relationship. One of the most important feelings to look for, when assessing if a partner is right for you, is comfort. It doesn't mean you won't have occasional arguments or moments of tension.

It just means the overall vibe feels relaxed and natural.

Dating tips for finding the right person

Branching off of that, you know it's OK to be yourself. You feel free to say what's on your mind, to bring up tough topics, to let your hair down — because you know they won't pass judgment or love you any less. This also means they approach with love and understanding even when you aren't at your best, like when you're sick, in a bad mood, or closed off because you're going through a tough time.

Even if you've been together for a long time, you'll still have moments of excitement — like when you greet each other after being apart all day.

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It's all a you're in the right place and with the right person. As Williamson says, "Not the right person for you day has to or will be filled with passion, but there should still be some excitement about spending time together. They say opposites attract, but sometimes a really great match can be found in someone who complements you. So take a moment to assess.

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Are they outgoing, while you're reserved? Are they thoughtful, while you're quick to find solutions to problems?

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You're likely with the right person if "your differences bring balance to each other's lives," relationship expert Amber Artis tells Bustle. Do you share similar worldviews and have similar thoughts, morals, values, and beliefs? If so, you're on the right track, Saudia L. Twine, Ph. While sharing hobbies and interests is great, these things are so much more important because they mean you're heading in the same direction in life.

Relationships tend to fall apart when partners view each other as enemies during fights, instead of looking for ways to stay on the same team, so to speak, even when you're both super mad. If you and your partner are a good match, Twine says, you'll notice that you work through conflict, voice your concerns, listen, and reach a resolution. You argue, but it never gets vicious.

And more importantly, you always come out on the other side with new boundaries and a better understanding of one another. Think about how it feels when you call and your partner doesn't answer. Or send a text and they don't write back.

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Or they get home late from work. Do you assume the worst? Or know that everything's A-OK? While past relationship history can play into how easy it is to trust a partner, you're likely with the right person if a you can talk about these insecurities and b they're open and honest and willing to do whatever it takes to develop trust in your relationship. What this essentially means is that, when you voice your concerns, your partner actually listens, Twine says, and as a result you feel heard and understood.

Listening to each other also prevents small problems from becoming bigger ones, which is important if you want to stick together. Danielle Forsheea clinical psychologist and d clinical social worker, tells Bustle, so take a second to evaluate this idea that something's "wrong.

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For instance, you may think, "My partner doesn't put a ton of effort into romance anymore. Our relationship isn't good and they don't love me. That's why, as Forshee says, it's important to check in with yourself. Your thoughts may not be consistent with what's actually going on and may be what's causing unnecessary feelings of doubt. Even if you're having a moment of doubt, consider whether you still feel chemistry — aka, that easy, breezy, flirty, fun positivity — more often than not.

It's OK if you're going through a rough patch. All couples do, at times.

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But if that chemistry is there, it's yet another you're a good match. Consider whether these doubts are fleeting or if they stick around. As Hardy says, "Too much questioning could allude to deeper problems in the relationship. But if the doubt only pops up once in a blue moon and doesn't feel very strong, chances are you're doing OK.

Keep an eye out on the daily — as well as in moments when disrespect might be on full display, like during an argument — and ask yourself, "Do I feel safe? Do I feel respected? Disrespect might look like yelling, crossing boundaries, name-calling, lying — the list goes on and on. You won't have to deal with any these things in a secure, healthy relationship. If you get a promotion, adopt a puppy, or just generally have a great day, who's the first person you call with the news? If it's your partner, Schmidgall says, that's a good.

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And the same is the right person for you with bad news. If your partner is one of the first people you call, it not only shows you value them but that they're a source of comfort. And that really is invaluable. Do you like who you are around your partner?

20 s you're with the right person

And do they encourage you to be better? If they're happy with who you are right now but also boost you up and help you reach goals, you've struck gold, Cathy Sullivan-Windt, Ph. And the same is true in reverse. You love who they are right now but also want to see them succeed, whether it's with a personal goal, a work goal, etc.

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You both support each other in being "better" — and growing into who you want to be as individuals. While you'll always want to trust your own assessment of the relationship — since you and your partner are the only ones in it — getting an outside perspective can come in handy, especially if you're having second thoughts.

How to know when you've met the right person for you

If well-intentioned individuals — like close friends and family — are supportive and happy for you, Hardy says, you're likely with the right person. So take a look at the people your partner associates with, and consider what it reveals. If their friends welcome you into their group with open arms — and vice versa — you've got a truly excellent situation on your hands. Not to mention, if you're both cool with spending time apart — and do so without it feeling like a big deal — it shows you have a good level of trust and respect for each other.

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All good things. Making decisions, doing chores, paying bills.

How do you know that you're with the right person?

It all carries a mental load, Griffin says, which is why you're likely with the right person if they understand that — and do their part. You don't want it to feel like you're the only one doing the heavy lifting, she says, since that can lead to resentment.

So even if you're definitely going through a tough time, consider your reaction to it all. If there's a willingness to acknowledge problems and a willingness to find solutions to those problems, it's a you still see the relationship as "worth it.

If you're still unsure, however, "talk to your partner about your concerns and fears," Daniels says.

Is it possible you’re with the right person even if you have doubts?

They need to know how you feel so they can you in making positive changes. There the right person for you not be a definitive answer when it comes to whether or not your partner is right for you.

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But most importantly of all, check in with yourself. Your body tells you a lot about what's going on — listen to it. Amber Artisrelationship expert.

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